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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109924">Everywhere at the End of Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandM1068/pseuds/MandM1068'>MandM1068</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Dementia, F/M, Gen, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Everyone Really, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:00:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,432</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandM1068/pseuds/MandM1068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's a bit forgetful.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gaius &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Everywhere at the End of Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic was inspired by the album 'The Caretaker, Everywhere at the End of Time' hence the title.  I do recommend you give it a listen to, it's an experience and a half.  It was beautiful in the most horrifying way possible, there is no way to express in words how I felt after finishing it, but it was horrendous.  </p><p>Hope y'all enjoy! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Merlin forgets. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t really start until he came to Camelot.  At first, it was the little things.  Where did he leave the herbs?  Had he given the patient her medicine?  Merlin brushed it off as his cluelessness, he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing at that moment.  It was fine, years passed, and nothing more came of it.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Arthur would question him.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, how’d you forget whether or not you gave me the medicine?  I’d expect my wellbeing to be your top priority, considering I’m your king,” Arthur had said. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, your prattiness, I have other matters that take up my thoughts.  The world doesn’t revolve around you, no matter how much you’d like to think it does.” Arthur rolled his eyes. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Quit trying to be interesting, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mer</span>
  </em>
  <span>lin.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Other times, the knights would. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, mate, where’s your head at?  How’d you forget we’re going on an amazing quest?”  Gwaine asked.  It was in these moments Merlin would question himself.  How did he forget?  Surely, it wasn’t that big of a deal, it wasn’t as if he was forgetting names or faces. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>‘It isn’t that amazing if it slipped my mind,” Merlin retorted. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It started getting worse. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, Merlin forgot that Gwen was a queen.  He had tasked Gwen with giving a visiting noble some linens that she had asked for.  Gwen had given him an odd look, but Merlin thought nothing it.  It wasn’t as if Gwen hadn't had her fair share of having too much to do and no time.  Later that day, Arthur had called for him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, I know you’re a loyal idiot, so I have to say why in God’s name did you embarrass Guinevere like that?  Has she done something to slight you?”  Was Arthur enchanted?  Merlin couldn’t think of anything he could have done to embarrass Gwen. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No sire, I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,” Merlin must have looked as confused as he felt because Arthur let it go.  They talked about everything and nothing. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Gaius saw it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was very subtle at first, but Gaius was a physician for decades.  He saw Merlin's mind slowly start to vanish.  The worse part was, there was nothing he could do.  He could give Merlin list, he could repeat himself as much as Merlin needed to remember, but he couldn’t cure him.  He couldn’t fix his ward, the boy that he thought of as a son.  There was nothing to cure this mind eating illness.  The moment Gaius had realized that he would lose Merlin much sooner than he had ever wished, he mourned. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lancelot was suspicious. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t travelled the world without seeing a fair share of sadness.  Merlin’s mind was fractured, just as the old man's was.  Johnathan, the old man’s name rang in his ears the first time he saw Merlin forget a big thing.  Lancelot wasn’t and never will be a physician, but he had the sneaking suspicion that Merlin and Jonathan were alike.  In more than just their kindness, more than their loyalty, more than the same sacrifice personality they had.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Merlin had told Lancelot that he was planning on sacrificing himself to the vail, Lancelot knew that he had to do it.  He knew that if Merlin was going to lose himself, he should at least be able to spend as much time with Arthur as he could.  Lancelot owed that much to Merlin. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur was dead. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He had died right inside Merlin's arms.  He was gone. He wouldn’t come back, not until Camelot needed him the most.  Never when Merlin needed him the most.  He laid Arthur next to Freya, in the Lake of Albion.  Knowing that Arthur wouldn’t rise anytime soon.  He cured the God’s that had made him immortal. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, remembering things didn’t seem as important. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He left Camelot, the moment after Gwen had died.  She had been a lovely servant and the one to last the longest.  Merlin couldn’t help but wonder how she could afford all those fancy dresses or jewellery.  Anytime he’d ask, Gwen would look at him like he was an idiot, scoff at him and go about her serving duties.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He started to travel the world.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At some point, Merlin couldn’t handle the pain every time a person would call him his name.  The name that all his dead friends and family called him.  At some point, he was just Thomas. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was very friendly, yet wise for someone his age.  Oddly, whenever someone said the name Arthur, he would freeze up.  Whenever asked, he too would be confused as to why he froze up. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t like he knew any Arthur’s. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Where was he?  He was in Camelot, right?   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir are you alright?” the strange lady asked. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of, of course, but could you be a dear and tell me where I am?”  The lady gave him a strange look but nonetheless answered. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re in England, Liverpool, specifically,” She had looked at him again, this time with concern, “Eddie, you’ve been coming to this store for over five years, how could you have forgotten?”   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looked at her.  Puzzled he asked, “I have?  Really, I can’t say I remember coming here ever.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She had the saddest look in her eyes, she took out her hand for a shake, “I’m Carrie,” she said.  Looking at him with something akin to pity. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, but I guess you already knew that,” He smiled, hoping the girl would crack one too. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was minding his own business, out in his yard, not understanding how something inside of him never wanted to move away from the lake.  He had only been living here for six months.  Then, a man came out of the lake.  Edward had never been so shocked.  He rushed to him, was this some type of suicide?  Why was this man in the lake?  Why was he greeting him like an old friend?  Who was Merlin? </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur couldn’t believe it! </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin was here!  Right in front of his eyes!  Merlin had led him into the little cottage, which Arthur presumed was his home.  Had Merlin remembered him?  He wasn’t talking to Arthur like he used to.  There weren’t any jabs at him taking so long, no fat jokes either.  As if the Merlin he knew was gone.  Maybe he was, the clothes that Merlin was wearing were nothing like the ones he wore in Camelot.  Where the hell was his disgusting neckerchief?  They didn’t speak, not a single word was uttered in their way to the cottage.  Arthur so desperately wanted to say something, anything to cut the tension; but he had a feeling that if he did, he would make it worse.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they arrived.  Merlin led him inside. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a seat... Um, what’s your name?”  The sheer disappointment and sadness that flooded through Arthur was worse than anything that he had ever felt before.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m,” Arthur stuttered, never imagining a time where Merlin didn’t know him, “I’m Arthur.” He used his king voice.  This wasn’t his friend Merlin, no, this was a stranger.  A stranger that knew nothing about him.  Arthur had noticed that Merlin tensed when Arthur introduced himself.  Why was that?  Was this some type of sick joke?  Was Merlin trying to make a fool out of Arthur for a second time?   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m Edward,” Merlin had said.  The anger morphed into frustration.  Merlin, Merlin.  Who the fuck was Edward?  Maybe Merlin had been reincarnated, unlike Arthur, but that wouldn’t explain him living right by the lake.  Before he could gather his thoughts, Merlin spoke again. “Look, mate, I’m not sure if this was a suicide attempt or what, but you can stay with me tonight and then I’ll take you to your family tomorrow.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘You are my family,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arthur thought, nodding his head.  Too numb to say words. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Surely, Merlin couldn’t have just forgotten him.  There had to be at least one memory of Arthur somewhere. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I need to go to the store and I’m not leaving you alone, waterman, so you’re coming with me.  Arthur, once again, nodded. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing else he could do. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Carrie saw Eddie coming in, to her surprise, there was a man with him as well.  She couldn’t help but pity the two, one of them was losing everything that made them whole, while the other had to watch as the person they cared for vanished, slowly and painfully,   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Eddie, what brings you here this time?” She asked, hoping the man would remember her.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know my name?” Carrie always hated these days.  The days that Eddie would walk into the store and not know who she was.  She supposed it’d be more painful for the gentleman with Eddie.  The man looked at Eddie like he hung the moon.  Her heart ached for him.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Carrie,” she said with faux happiness, “You come in here once a week, so I’ve picked up your name.  Who might be the gentleman with you?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before Eddie could answer, the stranger did. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Arthur,” the gentleman-Arthur had said.  Carrie looked over to him, seeing the proximity between the two men, they didn’t even seem to notice.  The stab of sadness she felt, for them both.  The couple was on borrowed time and there was nothing to change that.  Every memory they made together would leave Eddies head just like her name had. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Arthur, Eddie, hope you guys can find what you’re looking for.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She saw the fascinated look in Arthurs eyes.  As if he’d never been to a convince store before.  She saw Eddie go into the aisles for his shopping before Arthur could follow him, she pulled Arthur aside. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I know this isn’t my place, but I hope that you make as many good memories with Eddie as possible.  He may not remember them, but when his time comes, you can at least tell yourself you made Eddie happy, for as long as you could,” She felt raw, maybe something in her saw Eddie as a close friend.  Carrie didn’t have any of those, whenever she had a bad day, Eddie was somehow at the store and made her feel better with his insistent blabbering. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m...um... Yes, Mer- Eddie's condition has made it hard for me.  He, he can’t even remember who I am,” Arthur had looked so broken when he said that.  Carrie couldn’t help herself but hug the man.  What else could she do but offer some type of solace for a man mourning a love that had died in all ways, but in the flesh. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Edward always felt like he forgot something important. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Especially when Arnold came into his life.  It was like a slap in the face.  That feeling of becoming whole when Alfred came by was so shocking to Edward, it was almost as if he knew the man.  He could have sworn Andrew’s favourite colour was red.  Hell, he could vividly see him draped in the colour.   </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Edward had no idea why. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>First, Arthur saw Leon.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>In a fit of adrenaline, he tackled the man.  To his surprise, Leon had greeted him just as usual, maybe it was a fluke.  </span>
  <span>It didn’t matter, at least, not in that moment.  Arthur was just glad to have a friend back.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Next was Lancelot.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They were in the store, chatting with Carrie a bit when Lancelot came inside.  </span>
  <span>Lancelot looked at Arthur, that </span>
  <span>sparkle</span>
  <span> of familiarity in his eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur had </span>
  <span>taken</span>
  <span> Lancelot to the cottage and Edward had never felt more at home.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Afterwards, everyone else started to trickle into their lives.  Arthur couldn’t help but brag about how well he had adjusted to the modern world.</span>
  <span>  There were times when Merlin would ask the same question repeatedly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What dr</span>
  <span>awer are the socks in?” He would ask. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“First left,” Arthur responded.  Barely five minutes would pass.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <span>dror</span>
  <span> are the </span>
  <span>soxs</span>
  <span> en?” He would ask.  </span>
  <span>Every time</span>
  
  <span>Arthur would</span>
  <span> respond.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin</span>
  <span> started talking less.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t </span>
  <span>noticeable</span>
  <span> at first, but when Arthur had asked Merlin something the silence that greeted him back was more than shocking</span>
  <span>.  In a panic, he had called Gwen, knowing that she was a nurse.  </span>
  <span>She came in a rush, but when she looked over Merlin nothing was the matter.  There was no physical injury to justify the silence.  For a second, Arthur th</span>
  <span>ought that maybe he had done something to upset Merlin., but he couldn’t recall doing anything.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin hadn’t responded to </span>
  <span>anyone</span>
  <span> else either.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There were times where everything came back to Edward, no, Merlin.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They would leave as fast as they came, but in those few seconds, Merlin remembered.  Camelot, Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, Arthur </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>The years of </span>
  <span>loneliness.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was best that Edward did forget.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Where was he?  This wasn’t the castle.  Had he been kidnapped?  Where was he?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The hand he was holding felt familiar.</span>
  <span>  Like, like, who?  Who did the hand remind him of? Red, it reminded him of Red.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Where was he?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He saw a blond man talking to him.  He didn’t recognize him, but he saw the </span>
  <span>tears </span>
  <span>in his eyes.  He reached ou</span>
  <span>t and touch the </span>
  <span>man's</span>
  <span> face.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry,” is what he wanted to say.  The </span>
  <span>jumble</span>
  <span> of words that came out of his mouth surprised hi</span>
  <span>m</span>
  <span>.  When had words become so hard?  He supposed it </span>
  <span>didn’t matter, the </span>
  <span>man's</span>
  <span> mouth had turned upward.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he had done his job.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur couldn’t let Merlin live like this anymore.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t </span>
  <span>handle</span>
  <span> seeing his idiot </span>
  <span>manservant</span>
  <span> like this.  Arthur supposed that it was selfish, but </span>
  <span>every time</span>
  
  <span>those thoughts crept up; Arthur could hear Merlin calling him a </span>
  <span>clotpole</span>
  <span>.  Maybe it was time for Merlin to stop suffering, just as much, </span>
  <span>if not more than Arthur was.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He had talked to everyone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Asked what they</span>
  <span> had</span>
  <span> thought</span>
  <span> about his idea</span>
  <span>.  Gwaine was against it.  Lancelot agreed with Arthur.  </span>
  <span>Suffice</span>
  <span> to say, everyone had mixed feelings about pulling the plug on Merlin, but when they saw the man staring at the window, that wasn’t </span>
  <span>Merlin, that was just a shadow of the man they knew.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur found Excalibur the next day.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span> In Merlin's last breaths, he could see the fuzziness fade from his mind.  <em>'Arthur,' </em>he thought.  Arthur had saved him yet again.  Merlin could finally join all the ones that weren't fortunate enough to come back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his hand on Arthur's cheek one last time.</span>
</p><p><em>'I love you,'</em>  He thought.  As he faded into the abyss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It was hard to wrap my mind on how to end this, but suffice to say, I think this ending was the happiest one I could grant.  Arthur killing Merlin in a way to save him from his illness is much better than Merlin suffering for eternity.  If there are any inaccuracies to Alzheimer's/dementia, just remember that this was based on an album.  I didn't heavily research these illnesses because I wanted to capture the feeling from it.</p><p>Me: I should continue my marvel fic<br/>Also me: write a sad merlin one-shot because you're sad and want all the Merlin characters to suffer.</p><p>Thanks for reading &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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